Dear Steve and Shirley,
I’m 50 years old, and I’ve been in an open relationship with my man for almost 20 years. Instead of cheating on each other, we do our thing and stay 100% honest. It works for us, and people can judge all they want. Truth is, I get tired of my man sometimes, and I’m glad I can release tension elsewhere. It’s not always about sex, either—I have a soul tie with another man who’s just as special as my live-in partner. I have to keep him satisfied and nurture that relationship, but it’s wearing me down.
I work from home, and my live-in partner wakes up at 4:30 a.m. ready to start his day. He’s a morning person, meaning he wants sex as soon as he rolls over. That was never an issue until I started dealing with my other man more regularly. He also likes morning sex. When we meet for breakfast a few days a week, I sometimes have to forego the sex because I’ve already been thoroughly pleased for the day. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve asked both men if they could please leave me alone in the morning.
It seems like the older they get, the more they want sex, and I’m the complete opposite. I value the connection more than the physical aspect. My live-in has a great woman he sometimes spends the night with, which takes the pressure off me. But the other man is only sleeping with me and hopes I’ll come to my senses and be his wife one day. I’m fine with our arrangement as is—what I really need are more peaceful mornings.
How do I create balance between these two relationships without neglecting one of them? Please advise.